I have Growth Hormone Deficiency

Growth Hormone Deficiency is when your body is not producing enough of hormones to give you more puberty and you may look like teenager but not an adult. When it’s men, usually they have a hard time growing a full beard, I can only grow a small stubble and small sideburns. I don’t have chest hair but I have hair elsewhere (underarms/armpits, groin/pubic region, legs and arms). Men as adults are supposed to have some chest hair, more hair on the feet and fingers. Right now I have small, thin, light blonde baby hairs on my fingers and toes.

I am 30 years old but people think I’m either 15, 16 or 18, sometimes they can be very insulting thinking I’m 12 years old. The UK law states that you have to be 16 to buy lottery scratch cards and 18 to use casino slot machines but I always get asked ID, even when purchasing DVDs and video games that are 18+ I still have to get out my citizen card from my wallet and it frustrates me because my ID photo is old, it from when I was 17 years old and I have long hair in the photo.

Obviously I was born female but I started transitioning in 2014, I now have short hair, I wear men’s clothes, men’s shoes, I take a depo injection to stop my periods and I take pills to regulate my testosterone levels but it’s still not enough, I still have a round baby face and my voice has not deepened nor cracked or broken and I’m not growing enough facial hair. I sometimes borrow my mother’s oil to increase hair growth.

Bullying and suicide attempts

For years people have teased me, saying I look like a “fat gay slob”, I was once called a “fat ugly 12 year old n***er”. A teenager on a gothic social networking site told me that I looked like a 5 year old on the forum threads. I’ve always had depression and some of the reasons why self-harmed in the passed is because I hate looking young and I hate people thinking I’m underage. I once took out a knife from it’s container in a supermarket and slit my wrists after I was refused to be served because they thought I was underage, I began sobbing my eyes out because I couldn’t handle it.

My girlfriend luckily looks young too and she loves me for who I am and doesn’t care about my looks and we’re really happy together. 

Andy Milonakis 

Andy Milonakis is an American comedy actor who suffers from GHD. He is well known for his shows on MTV and MTV2. He played Peedy in American Pie 2 and sexually frustrated Justin in Extreme Movie who purchased a men’s sex toy from a sex shop. 

Ralph Macchio

Although not being diagnosed with GHD, Ralph Macchio looked and sound only 14 or 15 in the Karate Kid filn series despite being in his early 20s at the time. Now aged 55 and finally having a deep voice, Ralph Macchio can still be mistaken for a man in his mid 30s or early 40s.

(All images are provided by Google Images™) 


Was Diana’s death fate?

20 years ago, Diana Spencer the former wife of Prince Charles the prince of Wales and first born child of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II had died from fatal injuries followed by a car crash in Paris after the alcohol intoxicated driver lost control of the car steering wheel whilst trying to avoid the French paparazzi on motorcycles who were taking photographs of our once beloved Princess of Wales and Queen of our hearts.

But was it her time to leave the troubled world she was living after her stressful divorce from Prince Charles? Diana had been heartbroken and mentally unwell after Charles’ affair with Camilla Parker Bowles and the divorce along with the never-ending paparazzi stealing her freedom and privacy. 

Diana was bulimic and self-harmed

Not a lot of fans of Princess Diana knew she was suffering because she suffered in silence. In an interview, she stated her anger, sadness and frustration and admitted that she was hurting herself because she didn’t want to hurt anybody else. With Charles’ constant pursing of Camilla and negligence of Diana, Diana felt unwanted and unattractive and believed she wasn’t good enough for Charles nor the actual royal family so she began the self-harming and making herself sick after food believing she was overweight and felt like her relationship had failed. 

Diana was doomed before the end

Even after moving on and finding new people, Diana still suffered. She met and fell in love with British-Pakistani heart and lung surgeon Hasnat Khan but their relationship soured after Diana’s invasion of privacy and continuous rumours about Mr. Khan & Diana’s relationship. Diana decided to terminate the relationship due to the paparazzi stalking her and causing stress for Mr. Khan. Although Diana was then a new woman and was bright, radiant and confident, life was still difficult. 

Diana had no freedom, no privacy and the press were giving her a bad name. She did everything in her power to control everything but it still wasn’t enough to give Diana peace.

Diana’s fate

On the 31st of August, 1997, after leaving Hôtel Ritz Paris with bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones, then boyfriend Dodi Fayed and chauffeur Henri Paul, whilst driving through a tunnel 12:23am, alcohol intoxicated Henri Paul lost control of his steering wheel whilst motorcyclists were photographing Diana and Paul swerved and the car spun around and the back of the car hit the wall of the tunnel, fatally injuring himself, Diana and Dodi Fayed. Dodi Fayed was pronounced dead on arrival at 1:32am, Henri was already dead after the fire brigade removed him from the vehicle, Diana remained strong despite her condition slowly deteriorating, she went into cardiac arrest at 1:00am but was resuscitated and taken away in a SAMU ambulance by 1:18am. Diana arrived at Pitié-Salpêtrière Hospital at 2:06am but regardless of Diana’s strong will and the medical staff’s attempts to keep our princess alive, Diana’s condition went from bad to worse. She was pronounced dead at 4:00am. Trevor Rees-Jones survived but was devastated and suffered permanent damage from the car crash.

Would Diana’s life be different if she was still alive?

I discussed this with my mother as we both adore Diana and loved her but unfortunately we both agreed that if Diana had still been alive, she would have still been heartbroken and unhappy as she had no freedom, no privacy and no chance at true love.

Most of the pictures I find of Diana show a sad, broken young woman but in this photo, I see a bright, happy, cheerful queen of people’s hearts. 

Photo credit: Google Images™ 

34 Things That Annoy Me

  1. Having to wake up early in the morning (Why can’t I sleep some more?).
  2. My neighbours screaming or shouting at the windows. 
  3. If the weather is too hot or too cold.
  4. Bad internet connection. 
  5. Poor phone reception. 
  6. Having to wait in line.
  7. People coughing over me.
  8. People spitting on floors. 
  9. Bad body odour. 
  10. Dirty, wonky, rotting teeth.
  11. Facial acne (Just pop it already!).
  12. Kids screaming (Can’t their mothers shut them up?). 
  13. Not having enough money (I’m always tight on cash).
  14. Paying bills (The government is bleeding us dry).
  15. Noisy neighbours (Sometimes I feel like hitting them). 
  16. Dirty public toilets (I really hate this). 
  17. When people don’t clean the toilets (Eww!).
  18. People eating with their mouths open.
  19. People picking their noses (at least do it with a tissue and sanitise your hands afterwards).
  20. People scratching their butts.
  21. Seeing people picking up cigarette ends in order to collect tobacco (pathetic). 
  22. People searching payphones for loose change (again, pathetic).
  23. Conservatives (They’re all c*nts).
  24. Blood pressure cuffs (Do you really need to strangle or asphyxiate my arm just to get a reading? My arm goes dark purple each time and it scares me!).
  25. Having an irregular heart rhythm (Why couldn’t I have been born normal?).
  26. Being born in the wrong body (I have to have all these unnecessary surgeries and hormone treatments just to make myself the right gender).
  27. Homophobia and Transphobia (Let people love and be whoever they are happy with, leave them alone!)
  28. My withdraw symptoms from my antidepressants (I feel very sick each time I miss a tablet).
  29. Hipsters (Seriously? The most annoying human beings I’ve ever met! They’re not cool, they try too hard!).
  30. Having allergies (I really want a dog or a cat but I’m asthmatic and have hayfever all year round, it’s annoying).
  31. All terminal diseases or illnesses (Why do you have to take away the ones we love?).
  32. Being diabetic (I miss eating crappy food and getting drunk, thanks for taking that away from me asshole!).
  33. Being overweight despite trying to lose weight (Get off my body, I’ve done everything I could to look good!).
  34. My stalker (Grow up and get a life!).

Sophie Lancaster

It was 10 years ago a friendly, cheerful, bubbly, carefree goth woman was ‘beaten’ to death by a group of teenage boys in a skate park just for dressing differently. 

Sophie Lancaster was just 20 years old and she had died trying to protect her boyfriend Robert Maltby. Maltby survived but was in a coma, his head injury was so bad that he never even remembered being attacked. 

It was only the witness who gave a statement and testified that managed to bring the violent thugs to justice as Maltby had no memory of the attack.

Dressing differently or living a different lifestyle to someone else shouldn’t be a death sentence. 

I remembered when I was in my late teens in college and my family and I had saw in the local newspaper that a student at Lea Manor High had committed suicide after being teased by other students for being a goth. The mother was haunted by endless calls to her deceased daughter’s mobile phone. It was horrible and we felt nothing but sympathy. A life ended for clothes? A hairstyle? Makeup?

I once dressed as a goth and people who went to school and college with me laughed at me or thought I was copying someone else. I fitted in with the people at a nightclub my brother drank at and I had made new friends but we both faced trials from the public’s eye. Whilst walking into the town centre dressed as we wanted, a pair of common youths laughed at us and made comments.

After I watched BBC’s “Murdered for Being Different“, I tried very hard to hold back my tears and I could only think to myself “Why would anyone want to ‘kill’ another person just because they dress different?” and I’m still not getting an answer and the question is still inside my head. 

I never knew Lancaster but I wish I did, she died protecting someone she loved. How often is it that someone dies for the sake of love?

Why should people face a death sentence for wanting to be themselves?

Photo credit: Google Images™ 

Autism, you and the world

A lot of Autistic children and adults require a lot of care around the clock and mostly it’s their parents as parents fear the worse for their children. 

I have relied on my mother and sister most of my life all the way up till I was in my early twenties. 

When I realised that I was going to go in independent housing, I was terrified and scared, I knew that I wasn’t going to cope and it was going to be really difficult for me.

Shared accommodation with 24 support was great but I didn’t enjoy other people eating my food and drinking my milk. It was frustrating. I lived with two woman who never washed and if they did the bathroom was a mess and when I’d open the fridge freezer, I’d noticed half my food was gone and I’d get really upset. I was accused of many things I never did. 

As a young child, I never wanted to be away from home or my parents, I didn’t like socialising and I was terrified of new changes. 

As I got older, I observed people and their behaviour and slowly I learned from it and managed to adapt and adjust to the world, I learned how to curse at people when I was angry or frustrated, I learned how to look after myself whilst the house was empty, I managed to cope by myself but it’s still not enough as I still have care till this very day.

I was always a fast learner, if someone were to give me a brand new mobile phone, I’d learn how to use it within just 1 day. Telling the time has always been very difficult for me and I’ve only just figured out what it means when the hand is on a specific number. 

I look at myself and how I am now and then I look back at who I was years ago. I didn’t even knew what emotions were and what they meant, I never understood my behaviour and it’s consequences until I became more aware of life and observed everything myself and it was then I finally understood everything.

When people see me on a bad day, they instantly think “This person is a nutcase” or “This kid is just trouble” but really I’m just confused, scared, frustrated, worried and want help.

This is why I created Autism Alliance UK because so many Autistic people have been poorly mistreated and been potrayed the wrong way. I want the world to understand us a bit better and be more patient with us.

Yes life as a security guard in a hospital or a support worker in a social care organisation is a stressful exhausting job but there’s no need for aggression or violence, grabbing someone and restraining without talking to them is very terrifying, it’s scary, it’s what you’d expect from a terrorist not a respected authority figure of the public. So many times I have been thrown into police cells for accusations for things I have not even done wrong. The justice system is corrupt and the social care services has no conscience. 

How exactly should I explain to someone I have Asperger’s Syndrome? Should I wear a shirt with it written down? Should I take a letter confirming it around with me everywhere I go? Because that’s exactly how I feel in life. People think because you can speak up for yourself, because you’re aware of something, you don’t have any disabilities you’re just some spoiled brat. 

I want to remove the stereotypes, I want to make people see and understand that there is more to this condition then what they expect. The public expectations are politically incorrect and everything that is happening right now is very prejudice.

How can we make this right?

It’s not exactly rocket science, you just have to have an open mind and a kind ear that’s willing to listen. If you don’t have that then what much hope do we have left of this?

I understand that working or dealing with an Autistic person can be challenging but with the right intentions and more motivation, it can get easier and that’s what most people don’t realise. You need to learn and understand and you don’t need a degree or to become a specialist to even do that.

Photo credit: Google Images™ 

I’m going to help fund the NHS to help the UK keep their free healthcare

I may not have a big source of income but I am going to do my best to help fund the NHS by donating money to some of their departments that need more help.

Theresa May and Arlene Foster both want to make the NHS private and the UK has a high number of single or young parents with low income, working class people who don’t get paid well will suffer too.

It’s important that the UK has free healthcare. I believe that only visitors to the UK should pay for their medical treatment and the NHS should put a limit on A&E patients who are injured by binge drinking. 

I am not going to stop until the NHS is forever free.

This will also help the salary for public nurses and public consultants as if they go private, their salary will change a lot.

This will affect university students who have worked very hard to earn their position as an NHS member of staff.

The NHS will be founded either way by me as I will be making fund raisers and generous amounts of donations. 

I will be contacting the CEO of the NHS and make sure that our free healthcare is saved!

Photo credit: Google Images™ 

Marvel’s Weapon Hybrid H

I have always been a sci-fi nerd and both the Incredible Hulk and Wolverine have been my favourite comic superheroes so I created the nickname “Hulkerine” and now Marvel have decided to create a Wolverine and Hulk crossover mutant weapon of destruction called Weapon ybrid H.

This character will be revealed in Totally Awesome Hulk’s August 16th edition comic book issue 22.

Can you just imagine that intensity of both Wolverine and the Hulk powered together?

⬆ Me with my Totally Awesome Hulk graphic novel I purchased from Waterstone’s in Enfield Town. 

Diabetes is not about sugar

A lot people think oh if you eat very sweet foods, you’ll immediately go into a diabetic coma, it’s not about sugar or fatty foods, it’s about eating in moderation and keeping your energy which is formed from your natural body sugars aka “Insulin“. 

If your body relies too much on insulin, it means your body is working too hard to break down your food into your digestive system making it harder to produce energy levels hence why diabetic people are normally very tired or feel weak a lot because their bodies are drained from their natural sources of energy.

How can you control your diabetes? 

When you hear “diabetes”, you automatically think “dieting” but actually dieting can be bad for someone with diabetes whether they’re type 1 or type 2.

All diabetic people need to eat regularly. The key is to sticking to the right schedule. 

  • Eat what you want but in moderation (I.E; You can have fast food but not every single day)
  • Do not have no more meals than 3 a day (I.E; breakfast, lunch and dinner)
  • Snack on fruit and vegetables 
  • Exercise as much as you can (exercising is proven to restore your body’s natural energy) 
  • And make sure you drink a lot of water but not too much, just at least 10 glasses

Following these guidelines will help improve or even reverse your diabetes. And make sure you keep taking your insulin shots or Metformin pills.

Your body can live without a spleen and a pancreas

A lot of people can live without a spleen or a pancreas but this will mean that you’ll have to take insulin injections and Metformin pills for the rest of your life and you’ll be diabetic for the rest of your life. 

There’s a proven fact that you can actually grow an extra pancreas, sometimes this is often confused doctors with Pancreatitis. 

What is Pancreatitis? 

Pancreatitis is when your pancreas is damaged, usually by inflammation and it can be either mild or very serious. 

The common symptoms are:

  • Stomach pains 
  • Nausea (feeling or being sick)
  • Diarrhoea 
  • Indigestion (bloating, heartburn)
  • Jaundice (yellowing to the white parts of the eyes and yellowing to the skin)
  • Swollen or tender stomach

If you have experienced the symptoms above, call an ambulance immediately. 

How do I know my blood sugars have increased or decreased? 

From my personal experience, the following symptoms are when your sugar levels are low and you’re experiencing hypoglycaemia :

  • Feeling tired or drowsy
  • Slurred speech
  • Dizziness 
  • Feeling weak
  • Hands are shaking 
  • Sweating a lot
  • Feeling very thirsty or hungry

High sugar levels are the similar but have a few different symptoms…

  • Headaches 
  • Feeling thirsty 
  • Unable to concentrate 
  • Vision impairment 
  • Wanting to urinate a lot
  • Feeling very tired or drowsy 
  • Feeling weak all over the body
  • Rapid weight loss 
  • UTI (Urinary Tract Infection)
  • Trush
  • Dry mouth 
  • Dermatitis (Skin infections)

Photo credit: Google Images™ 

What it is like to live your life as a hypochondriac

A hypochondriac is a person who has health anxiety, meaning they panic and stress over illnesses, diseases and/or even death.

Before I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, I had no idea what a panic attack was and most people don’t realise it but panic attacks can occur at inconvenient or inappropriate times so when I’d be watching TV or playing video games, suddenly I’d feel like I’m having a heart attack or I can’t breathe when really all my body was doing was producing too much adrenaline that I started breathing faster than normal aka “hyperventilating“. 

Since I started studying science at school and learning about illnesses and diseases and seeing adverts on TV about heart disease, cancer and life insurance, I became paranoid. 

I’m terrified of getting on a bus because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome aka Myalgic Encephalomyelitis which makes me tired a lot so I worry I might get robbed or worse, raped and murdered. As soon as I feel sick or experience a symptom that is unusual, I have no choice but to visit the hospital for answers. When I have an episode of Tachycardia, I have to call an ambulance to reassure myself that I’m not having a heart attack and not going to die.

So what is it like being a hypochondriac? Two words: It’s hell. You’re constantly panicking and worrying about your health and you just want to feel safe and not suffer. It’s the hardest thing to deal with and live with. Health anxiety is one of the biggest problems in the UK for the NHS and I try as hard as I can to avoid being admitted to hospital, even when I experience tachycardia because a lot of the people in hospital have health anxiety.

How to cope with health anxiety 

There are many ways to cope with health anxiety. Firstly, you’re worrying that you have every illness or disease in the medical book, the best thing to do is discuss this with your regular doctor and have a blood test. A blood test can rule out a lot of things from diabetes, heart disease, arthritis to cancer, HIV/AIDS or any forms of hepatitis.

Your doctor can also order a full body MIR scan, this is like an x-ray except around your whole body and the scan images have further details. 

Try to study more on the illnesses and diseases that you’re worried about as this will help you understand how you’d know if you’d have them and will put your mind at ease. 

Have your doctor prescribe you multi vitamins and minerals, buy some Echinacea Goldenseal and do a lot of cardio workout as well as eating healthy as this will prolong your life.

Photo credit: Google Images™ 

I’m ready to let go

As you may have seen from my previous posts, specifically my biography one, I came from a troubled background, my past has been a painful one. I am going to be leaving all mental health support groups from Facebook, I think I’m going to be okay now. 

Life will always be painful after everything I’ve been through and there’s been moments where I’ve felt like there’s been no hope for me but I think I can survive this because I know it’s not the end of the world and that things will eventually get better for me, it’s just a matter of waiting and being patient and I think I can handle that.

I’ve realised that hurting yourself, being angry all the time and throwing tantrums or having mood swings doesn’t get you anywhere. Like I said in my post about self-harm, I regret because yes it may feel like numbing away those emotions for you but it’s only just temporary and later on you’ll find yourself back in square one feeling that same awful feeling and you’ll just go back to that awful habit again and it’s actually a vicious cycle that we should break ourselves from. 

This is big but it’s a huge relief, I think I’m finally ready to move on from everything that caused me a lot of pain, I’m ready to past the pass behind me.

What can I say? I finally feel free, I no longer feel depressed and I’m ready to live my life.

Photo credit: Google Images™